Abah

Abah,

Dah hampir setahun 2 bulan abah pergi. Maafkan kak ngah atas segalanya yang telah kak ngah buat selama ini.

You have been a good father. You have never fail in your duty, be it your role as a father, an army officer or any other responsibilities given to you.

Kak ngah masih ingat lagi saat-saat terakhir abah pergi. I can't never erase it from my memory. It is still clear. Hari Jumaat saksi segala insiden itu. Pada kak ngah, itu ketentuan daripadaNya. Allah s.w.t dah tetapkan abah akan pergi pada hari Jumaat, 14 Disember 2007. Allah s.w.t dah tentukan yang abah akan mengakhiri tempoh setengah jam yang terakhir dengan kak ngah. Tapi kenapa kak ngah rasa bersalah? Mungkin betul cakap Pak Cik Zainal yang kak ngah sepatutnya bawak abah pergi hospital. Mungkin kak ngah sepatutnya kenal yang abah tengah diserang sakit jantung. Kenapa kak ngah tak kenal simptom tu semua? Kenapa? Kerana Allah s.w.t dah tentukan yang abah akan pergi. Mungkin kalau abah dihantar ke hospital, abah akan diuruskan daripada sana dan terus ke kubur, bukan ke itu permintaan abah.... bukan ke abah selalu berpesan jangan seksakan mayat?

Abah, as a daughter I have done everything within my means and capacity. I have fulfill whatever you want me to do. Abah selalu cakap yang abah percayakan kak ngah. You trust me and my capabilities to handle things. Thank you abah. I have done it but at the same time, I also wish I didn't take your responsibilities after your death. Why me? I always wish that I'm like you, managing things like you did, I almost there,..... but still not quite the same.

Abah, abah selalu cakap, kalau mati kat rumah, kena sembahyang kat rumah, baru terus ke kubur. Semua itu dah kak ngah tunaikan. Kak ngah tau abah percayakan kak ngah, tapi dalam masa yang sama, kak ngah sedih because you will not be with me anymore. No more stories to share or to cry. No one like you. None.

Abah, although you have achieved and fulfill almost whatever you want to do, but you did not attend my convocation day for my master. You said you looked forward for that day since you have missed my convocation for my syariah. You were always at all my convocations, but you have miss two of it. You will never be there anymore. There were days that I always wish that you should be around.

Abah, when you died, I died too. I lost my voice for 2 months. I was not well for 2 months. But now, I can accept your death. I have been accepting it for the past one year.

Thank you abah. Thank you for everything. No one can replace you. I miss you a lot.

Love you abah.

from your loving daugher,

Kak Ngah @ Hazlina Mohd Padil

Al-Fatihah